November 30, 2014

Tomorrow is the DAY


Dear diary, finally tomorrow is the day. I will do my adventure 31 days in some part destination in java. Honestly i never do backpacker before. I always find easy way to holiday. Like used agent travel then just take easy to go anywhere with the driver by rent car agent.

Tomorrow i do it alone and yes i feel excited and nervous plus afraid. That is normal because i never do this and the most it
 I want success to get all my destinations.... wish me luck. How many percent i do prepare? I can say 80 percent right in the place.



Sent from Samsung Mobile

Tomorrow is the DAY


Dear diary, finally tomorrow is the day. I will do my adventure 31 days in some part destination in java. Honestly i never do backpacker before. I always find easy way to holiday. Like used agent travel then just take easy to go anywhere with the driver by rent car agent.

Tomorrow i do it alone and yes i feel excited and nervous plus afraid. That is normal because i never do this and the most it
 I want success to get all my destinations.... wish me luck. How many percent i do prepare? I can say 80 percent right in the place.



Sent from Samsung Mobile

November 27, 2014

Prepare and Compare

Dear diary..... today i go to shopping for prepare all stuff for 31 days adventure. I go to one of mall near cikini station with hope will get or find promo price.

But i am so dissapointed. Why? Because in the store discount price show off but when in caseer no discount so far so bad. I should go to this store with public transportation and i got nothing.... so sad


Mmmm thats mean. I am not lucky. Mmmmmm i do prepare clothes and some stuff and that  almost 80 percent fix. Eh done. Plus just make sure anything alright and in the right place because tomorrow is the last day to make sure.

Saturday will go to church..... ah tired will sleep fast this night. 


Sent from Samsung Mobile

November 26, 2014

Keep Yours Eyes

In early morning around 9 am, after going to bank. My friend and I continued our journey to go to another bank. To keep on the bank, because this bank can't transfer bank to bank different brand.

When we down stair, a man pass in our way and this man so rude because notice our breath and say something so making me uncomfortable. Wanna know what this man said. He said wow nice shape black bla bla so annoying right.

If this man isn't to old. I really want to slap his. So rude, hi man keep your eyes way if you can't control yourself. How if I wear sexy clothes? You will more crazy words. We still wear normal T-shirt and why if we have nice boobs. You got problems from it :-)

Get Train Tickets

Today, I am prepare for my long adventure for 31 days on December. I feel so excited and of course happy. I can't imagine it really will happened in a few days again. Can you believe it? I can't believe it either. But it really happens in my life.

I know and I still remember, I just back from long holiday around august. But this is different I have mission for it. I also never do this, but I bet something will nice and unique on my trips in same destinations in java, Bali and Lombok.

Some friends don't believe me if I travel alone by trains or public transportation. because I don't like difficult trips but why not . As long as I was journalist I do many things experiences and it is very difficult and in this job make me strong, this job really change my mind and my mindset. Although the income isn't good but that's so wonderful. Until I feel I should change it and also my mum doesn't like my jobs. Since I get hire this job.

Life so unique and we never know what happened with our plan and also future because it always change and different every way. But don't afraid it should be. Like circle always move in circle but it still circle. Like our life, whatever it, it is our life in every circle of life. It is the meaning of life.

Today, I buy some tickets for start my adventure on Monday. Ah it is first time I buy trains ticket between city to city. When reservation it isn't difficult but when to payment that's so complicated. But finally 5 tickets already in my hands. Where is it? Secret... just wait for next adventure and for full story buy my books OK.

Billionaire Lyrics by Bruno Mars


Goedemorgen, Bonjour, Goodmorning, Selamat Pagi readers. I am so happy today, so morning happy song today is from Bruno Mars.

I wanna be a billionaire so freakin' bad
Buy all of the things I never had
I wanna be on the cover of Forbes magazine
Smiling next to Oprah and the Queen

Oh, every time I close my eyes
I see my name in shining lights
Yeah, a different city every night
 
Oh, I swear the world better prepare
For when I'm a billionaire
Yeah, I would have a show like Oprah
I would be the host of
 
Everyday on Christmas, give Travie your wish list
I'd probably pull an Angelina and Brad Pitt
And adopt a bunch of babies that ain't never had it

Give away a few Mercedes, like here lady have this
And last but not least grant somebody their last wish
It's been a couple months that I've been single so
 
You can call me Travie Claus minus the ho ho!
Get it I'd probably visit where Katrina hit
And damn sure do a lot more than FEMA did
Yeah, can't forget about me, stupid
 
Everywhere I go I'ma have my own theme music
Oh every time I close my eyes,(what you see, what you see)
I see my name in shining lights
A different city every night
 
Oh, I swear the world better prepare
For when I'm a billionaire
Oh oh, oh oh, for when I'm a Billionaire
Oh oh, oh oh

I'll be playing basketball with the President
Dunking on his delegates
Then I'll compliment him on his political etiquette
Toss a couple milli in the air just for the heck of it
 
But keep the fives, twenties, hiz and biz completely separate
And yeah I'll be in a whole new tax bracket
We in recession, but let me take a crack at it
 
I'll probably take whatever's left and just split it up
So everybody that I love can have a couple bucks
And not a single tummy around me would know what hungry was
Eating good, sleeping soundly
 
I know we all have a similar dream
Go in your pocket pull out your wallet, put it in the air and sing
I wanna be a billionaire so freakin bad
Buy all of the things I never had
 
Uh, I wanna be on the cover of Forbes magazine
Smiling next to Oprah and the Queen.
(what up Oprah hahah!)

Oh, every time I close my eyes
I see my name in shining lights
A different city every night
 
Oh, I swear the world better prepare
For when I'm a billionaire
When I'm a billionaire
I wanna be a billionaire so freakin bad

Wonderful Dream


Dear God,

Thank You my Father in heaven. You never leave me alone, whatever my condition and my faith with You. You never let me down to far and deep. You remove away my nights tears and You change it become wonderful day. I never expected the bad life in my life but sometimes life so difficult to understand. Because I never know what happened with my future and dream.

Dear God, I still speechless. I can't speak because I am to happy and it is like dream. I still can't believe it too. One by one You make my dream become true even I am not realize it. Like my first book, Simpul Terujung Novel. Even it is not success because just indie novel but some people who already read it said and always give me support to make the new books.

Dear God, I don't know my talents but whatever my talents You gave it to me. I should say Thank You Lord. You are amazing Lord for me. Whatever my life up and down, whatever my happiness I am and The sadness my life, You never leave me alone. You make miracle in my life with Your away. Many pains in my life You change become wonderful life. My worries life, You change to be straight. My weakness life, You change to be words, making me freedom to write anything in the sadness and happiness I am, writing making me freedom to explore my days, my words and my life.

Dear God, this month is like roller coaster for me but see, everything will be wonderful in time. The blue


feeling gone without imprint. Tears just for the happiness season. I wish 2015 will be wonderful life in my life. But Keep me straight and give me Your words to finish my project about Christian books. Used my talents to tell how lucky I am to be Your son.

Whatever the sadness, the darkness, The problems You never leave me alone. I always find solution in every problems in my life, because Your hands with me, your angel is my guardian who keep me safe from the risk. This time, I am praying for You to say Thank You Lord. Thank You to make me feel so blessing this time, Thank You to keep me never give up and always positive thinking in my life. Whatever people think about me, I don't care as long as I am walking in Your way.

You are my Lord and You are my Father, I am so happy whatever my journey life in front. I am not afraid, because You always be there. and Thank You for sent me angel to make this dream come true, without You that is impossible.

Dear God, I know some people don't believe You. I can't blame them, because they still not find You in their soul. I am so happy to God, next month. My sister fiance will be come and learn about You and then They will be marriage in church on March.My parents so happy to know this. I am more happy because my sister deserve to be happy and making her own family and then I also will become aunty from my brother's wife will gave birth on December too. So my dream also will be start on December too. December will be wonderful month in my family, Pandiangan's family.

Dear God, in the happiness moment, I remember my grandfa who already pass away a several years ago. He always said to me in the terrace every evening time when we seat together to waiting the dark come. Whatever my dreams (to be writer, and xxxxxxxx (censor)) will be come true. He is right, finally. I am so proud to my grandfather who always support my dream when I was kid when my mum always said I am dreamer since kids.

I know this is still long journey still many steps stairs I should walks but when I am tired in the middle, You never leave me alone. I will making my dream really become true whatever it is difficult, whatever the challenge in fronts, whatever rocks will make my walk difficult, I should never give up. I should keep believe it, after raining will be having wonderful rainbow. Although not every raining will having rainbow but one day the rainbow will be shown in the sky. That is mean whatever my life brings to be the darkness, the sadness, the depression, the stressful, it will just steps ways to make me strong and smart and wise to know, to learning what is completes life, including that.

Can I imagine if my life just in one way, just for the happiness side only or the sadness only. Of course I
will not feel so blessing I am, I will not feel the lucky I am, I am not feel how is life to be without You. This is what I feel and What I am thinking. Everything life comes to me they have something hiding to make my strong and stronger everyday. No worries about the simple life because the complicated life always there with many result and solution to find way.

Dear God, I wish 2015 my small business also will be more better and better. Just give change to make it good. Thank You for making my dream come true even it still long journey to make this book become real. But You know, what I wanna be, right.


Still Like Dream

Waiting December is really excited and it still like dream. I don't believe it. My dream really will be come true on December. Making adventure in 31 days without worry anything, become writer is like a dream. If this is the first time project my dream become true.

I know I had traveling in several parts in Indonesia and also in Asia. But this is different, this is backpacker and I will go alone, freedom and the new adventure. Do you know what is excited, mama boy (spoiled) will make adventure alone.

I just dream about this hole my life (even I did many time several holiday alone) but this is different because this is I will make book about the trips with two different style, Indonesian style and English book with different style too.

My journey will be the start about my "dream" and what is wonderful for blessing the opportunity to do like this. I do know many people already traveling and making book when they do it. I wish I still have space to make it too. For my best friends, my fans (if I have, lol), my readers who really love me and support me, All of you should buy my book in 2015 and not just one copy, should 2 or more copies to make my other journey will be true again.

Do you believe in miracle and spirit and motto don't ever give up? Yes I do believe it. See waiting a million years and now (soon) my dream will be begin. So wonderful life in the deep difficult life. But anything will be better and better. Event need time so long and already have many competitors but if my readers and my friends support me and market love my book, that is not impossible to make the new style from Citra Pandiangan.

I just wish in December, Indonesia is raining season but no worry. I do the best as I can. because this is my passion and my dream, one of my dreams. Thanks God, I speechless because it still like dream. Will be 4 days again to make it real.

In this time I should prepare and making all done. The agreement letter for my sponsor ( I call guardian angel) already fix. Everything should be good in time. My heart is breath heavy because to happy and dizzy because I still not believe it. So lucky am I, right? Don't be jealous!!! You can be like me too, when you read my book so you will you also in there and you can imagine it. How you also wanna have desire like me :)

Mercy, dank ju, Thank You, Terimakasih. Many words Thank you from many style language in world can't expression how happy I am. :)

Menantikan Perjalanan

Tiada disangka, tiada diduga. Hidup ini unik dan lucu, setidaknya itulah pemikiranku saat ini. Mendapatkan kesempatan untuk menikmatin hidup selama 31 hari adalah hal yang menyenangkan. Berpetualang dan keluar dari dunia rutinitas yang penat dan ketat.

Menikmatin hidup berpetualang adalah impian setiap orang. Melakukan perjalanan pelesiran impian setiap manusia yang terjebak dalam rutintas yang tiada henti. Ada yang memiliki kesempatan untuk "keluar" ada yang bertahan hingga titik penghabisan. Semua tiada salah dan tiada masalah. Karena masing-masing memiliki konsequensi tersendiri.

Seperti aku contohnya, mencoba memberanikan diri melakukan hal yang berbeda dari sebelumnya. Bahkan mengirimkan beberapa "surat pengantar sakti" untuk mendapatkan "kesaktian" itu sendiri. Tinggal menanti, berharap dan berjuang. Karena kehidupan adalah hal yang patut untuk dicoba, menobrak asa yang tak terduga.

Kekuatan tulisan terkadang tidak bisa disangka bisa membuat orang tertarik dan jatuh hati, bahkan membenci, menghujat. Semua berpulang bagi para penulis dan pembacanya dalam menyikapi kehidupan ini.


November 25, 2014

Before Journey for 31 Days Traveling

Dear diary, it still dream for me, to get adventure for 31 days. Making plan is not so easy like we are just dreaming in our night dream. But I really so excited and can't sleep to prepare all and become wonderful journey for making book.

In my mind, as always, diary, always have many ideas what I want to make it on the book with the different language also different the way how to write it and including the information about it. One day, I ask a neighbor to read it. She is laughing every part when read the beginning the book. Indonesian style will different. Because I do research the way the book traveling in Indonesia, they like little sense of humor and also the way to read like humor and easy to understand and the most important for me.

I want to ask them also they are in there (in every my part journey). When they are reading, they will think they are in that journey and that always become the difficult way to write hahaha but I wish I can do it and sent to publisher.

When I do get the ticket for the journal, I will sent some proposal for publish the book to some publisher book in Indonesia to offer the description what I will do and I will make it amazing with my ways. Traveling alone as woman, as backpacker style I know it is not easy to do. But I don't think about the wonderful ways but also the difficult ways every time I make decision about this book.

That is making my night can't sleep well and also make me should rush to make it real. I can't breath waiting the time to start my journey for 31 days adventure. Plus I also still keep searching new job after adventure the real life begin hahaha, so should keep health and wonderful life which become real and every time it happen it will be so great :)


November 21, 2014

Can't Sleep to Happy

Dear diary, I can't sleep last night. Hey, I am not depression if you ask the reason hahaha. I ever read in healthy article, if you stress to much, you can sleep well. But the honest reason, because it is like dream. I got sponsor to pay my traveling dream around Java Island, Bali and Lombok.

Although last night I do make some destination where I want to go with backpacker style but I change with suitcase style. Because I am not to strong hahahaha, no, I just like simple and easy for me. I do have imagine it in my mind. Till this time, I wake up like dream. Smile full in my face.

Dear diary, God is so nice with me. He sent me guardian angel to become my sponsor to this traveling a month that is mean start on December 1 and Ending on December 31 2014. In 31 days what will happen, what is the adventure will I can get it.

I should faster to do anything because time so fast, can't stop or slow. So let's making the plan success. Making book 2 version Indonesia and English version. I can't shared this to much. Because I want to make all my loyal readers on my diary will be curios and wonder what will its to be.

I do make 7 destination and thinking about estimate the budged so I cross become 6 destination and I wish the budged will be enough and because it the point I want to shared on the book. Wish me luck and always keep healthy.

What is my preparation to make me keep healthy. Of course, start on Sunday I will wake up early to train my body to strong walk. Because this adventure I will not stay in luxury hotel but in somewhat cheaper motel and also use public transportation not rent car with driver.

So, it will be start on December!!!!!! That is mean around 9 days. I also should survey price again for the stuff which in out of the budged for the adventure book.

What list I should make in out of budged traveling for the start the adventure.

1. Small suitcase
2. Back bag
3. Selfi Stick (for making I can take my picture by myself).
4. Power bank ( to making my battery never death. So important this for map and GPS too)
5. Comfortable shoe (should I buy one or two, because for 31 days hahaha, better buy 2)
6. Sandal (this is also important because for the hot spring or somewhat place I need to get).
7. Note book and pens (to write somewhat important so I will not forget to put it when I writing the adventure)


I think 7 things I should buy it for making this process success. Dear diary, if this dream I won't wake up. The most important I want the readers of my future book also can imagine and also like that is they are into the story. Making them have desire to traveling alone without worry anything and with the limit budged you can enjoy your life.

I wish this book will be start first book and will be have other book, like traveling to Sumatera Island with the budged bla bla, then other book. Ah God, this is dream. Don't wake me up please if this dream. My heart so melt because exciting and also worry because I never go to this part alone and the destination also I never do.

Cross fingers my readers diary to make this success, right. Plus don't forget to buy the book more than one book. You should be nice and making my another trip can be real too. Wish me luck and let's rise our dream. This is one part of my dream and what is yours?

Doing Research not Easy but Excited

Dear diary, making dream come true need work hard. Either about my trip dream for 31 days to some destination and tourism place in some part of Java Island, Bali and Lombok. I do search many info to make me know what should I do and what should I prepare. Because december is raining season in Indonesia, but because warming global we can't expected what should it be.

I just wish all will success. When I am telling mum about this amazing trip will be start on first December, mum said Do you travel alone, is ok for you? Yes it will be fantastic for me. But for making adventure is not so easy like I imagine. I have a few days to prepare and collect all information and also find cheaper hotel in some place. Cool, right? Wanna know what it will be? Me too, just wait and see on December

But for hole my journal or journey to go somewhere I can't shared it all here because it will make book. I just making this to making you are interest to buy my book hahahaha. Should be good marketing and promotion right.

Wish me luck, it will not be my first and last book because it will be start my dream.... Just start dream


November 20, 2014

New Adventure in December



Is a dream? Dear diary, today I can't stop thinking about something which so miracle and magical for me. I got sponsor to make my adventure become real and it also for the project my traveling book. I know but I want make something maybe little different. Traveling around Java island, Bali and Lombok just nominal budged ........ (still secret) will not surprise when I tell it here.

My dream will be come true and it will be start on December till this 2014 ending. So for a while, I am stop to searching job. Because I want to make it real. I will make the title (still thinking it) wish me luck with all my travel around here, not all part I can stay because it will be expensive but some parts and I guess it will be good guide book for local and also tourism who want travel to here.

Just open little destination but still not fix yet, Start on Jakarta and will be end on Lombok. Wish me luck to make it good and success, I need your prays readers, my friends and my sponsor. Plus, before it start I should prepare some stuff which it will make it easy.

The first, I should buy small suitcase it is around 30 USD, back bag around 25 USD, power bank to make me easy charge my battery so I can take pictures from phone, gps map because I don't have camera. The power bank the price around 25 USD for the good quality, then the magic selfie stick to take my own pictures because  I am traveling alone I guess it price around 10 USD. Comfortable shoes around 25 USD. This the start I used have to make other plan. This stuff in out of budged for the adventure.

This time I also collect some information to make me things what should I do and what should I go. Collect information then share to my sponsor if the sponsor said OK, You CAN GO. Then I will go with feeling exciting. Is dream or real? I wish it real.

Today I go interview and I am not interested with the company because sound look unprofessional way. After interview in Ratu Plaza apartment in Jalan Jendral Sudirman. From Tegalan I used busway to Matraman and continue to Duku Atas then next to Block M-Kota and turn in Bundaran Senayan Halte. The place is not so difficult like I am trying to find it on internet but un useful. Anyway, I just take it not long time, but my battery low bat because it already old and need new one but I still like to used it. So it death as long as my activity today.

After interviewing there, I go to Block M because still try to help my sister stuff for prepare the wedding but I don't get anything in Block M and almost get some lost direction because to big and don't have clue there. Just take lunch there then go home, but change my mind because my friend said she wants to visit zoo in Ragunan.

So we go there but nothing I can see there, still same and not interested to visit it for a couple time ago. Why? I have reason. Maybe later I will shared it. Because this time I am little bit busy to prepare anything "perfect" :)








Making me Smile

I don't expected my days, My life is so heavy
I can't stand in my feet, My energy gone
Can you help me to find my spirit
Making me smile, then I will smile

I won't get robot face every day
Because life so hard and harder
Tell me, can you make my day better?
I need smile, can you make me smiling?

The ugly face is someone can't smile
My face so stiff because I can't smile
Can you make my face become pretty
With full smile on my face

That is better then nothing
Smiling in heavy life is good
Making me smile then I give you reward
You are the one I want into my life

Jakarta, November 18, 2014

November 19, 2014

Life is Beautiful Lyric by Vegas 4

Life is beautiful whatever it come to you. Afternoon song from Vegas 4

"Life Is Beautiful"



Life is beautiful
We live until we die

When you run into my arms
We steal a perfect moment
Let the monsters see you smile
Let them see you smiling

Do I hold you too tightly?
When will the hurt kick in?

Life is beautiful
But it's complicated
We barely make it
We don't need
To understand
There are miracles
Miracles

Yeah, life is beautiful
Our hearts
They beat and break

When you run away from harm
Will you run back into my arms?
Like you did when you were young
Will you come back to me?

And I will hold you tightly
When the hurting kicks in

Life is beautiful
But it's complicated
We barely make it
We don't need
To understand
There are miracles
Miracles

Stand
Where you are
We let all these moments
Pass us by

It's amazing where I'm standing
There's a lot that we can give
This is ours just for the moment
There's a lot that we can can give

It's amazing where I'm standing
There's a lot that we can give
This is ours just for the moment
There's a lot that we can give

--
Citra Pandiangan
----------------------------------------------
www.diary-citra.blogspot.com
mobile +6281372019454
YM citra29111*

*Keep Smile and Spirit*

Every Day is Wonderful

Dear diary, every day is different and wonderful. Although I less sleep because my body won't work together to sleep. My mind flies every where plus I wake up in early morning time like usually. So I just realize I just sleep 3 hours this night.

Maybe because my body to tired walk more than an hour in hot weather hit me hahaha or I do become lazy like usually. I know this time, sometimes I am hopeless because the case of up petrol will make me little difficult to find job. But yesterday, I got two appointment for Thursday and Friday. I wish everything is not mess and I can go there to find the place for interview.

See, dear diary everything will be wonderful in time :) When wake up as usually someone whatsapp me and the first words he also like chocolate. Maybe to much read my diary so they already know me well. Don't blame me because I love writing. I also already have spirit to make new book which I hope this year finish but it impossible because many problems hits me so badly.

Dear diary, if someone play his imagination with me and offer me holiday in France around January or February, what do you think? Would I take my dream holiday on 2015? Is like dreaming and I wish the
dream can be true and I can start my traveling dream, like what I dream it every day since I know what is dream about.

Ah dear diary if this just dream, I won't wake up but I should wake up and clean room then I will start to writing and crafting plus learning Dutch language. My spirit back and many friends believe my dreams and my potential which sometimes I don't know what is that.

Dear diary, I am smiling after long time I seldom smile wide hahahaha. My life is getting better and better. Like every day is mystery and also the sun make my heart warm to believe God has many ways to make me feel, I am good daughter of God. If I want to open my heart and believe it. I should never forget how He help me in every time of my life.

How bad man can't broke my soul and my body, how the bad man who try to stolen my back but they change his mind. How many God voice I heard in Jakarta when I went home alone in the dark. God sent His guardian to care of me.

Jakarta is hard city, my mum always said Jakarta is more cruel then step mother. Many bad things and
hard to find desire but Jakarta also many offer to find opportunity. Dear diary, I wish my dream step by step become true. The first this time, I will make kids story I do have the draft just need to write it.

Every day is wonderful if you believe, after raining always have rainbow. If you believe after raining always flood. Then Your life will grey every time hahaha. That is ok sometimes sad and feel stressful but don't make it reason to hostile your life. Because anything will be happened without you can stop or realize.

Good morning and lets making the dream come true with believe it and work-hard. Cheers.

Doing Anything for Sister

She is my sister, the only sister I have. She is nice and teaser woman then my mum. When she asked me to do something. It should be and no excuse. Ih, cruel hahaha. Of course not, that look from my side. Because I also do the same for her too. She never rejected what I want, but for a few days, she did. She didn't love me anymore. Ups,

Don't believe it ya. I am kidding. She is always be good sister in the world. I won't change it with other sister in this life. She just spend much money a few months because she prepare something special in her life. What is that? MARRIAGE :)

The man who purpose her will be lucky man in the world. She is cute, humor, smart, friendly, caring and the most she can iron, cleaning and cooking. So different from me. That's we are different level for this side. Anyway, I am jealous when she show me the nine diamonds a few months ago. That is ring so wonderful in her finger. I said, I want it too. Then she said "Find someone who want buy you it" Ah..... poor me, she is teasing me so badly :( I am sad

hahahaha of course jealous is normal but I don't have any negative thinking. I am support her and anything I can do, I will do for my sister. Because she never refuse what I want since I was college. She asked me to find cake flower, bento and some what stuff, now she asked me to find India embassy.

Your order is command my sister. I will try as the best I can do. Because I am so happy, you should deserve the happiness in your life. Your future family will make you more happy. I wish Adam will never hurt you and he will make you happy person.

God, please hear me, I wish my sister finally marriage with her plan and don't make it mess. Because she deserve to be happy. Making her life more colorfull when they prepare the wedding and make their relationship strong and stronger anytime.

Making their wedding till old no DIVORCE in their happiness. Making them to be perfect couple whatever they are happy or sad. Because life is not straight street have many lines and waves like the Anaconda river. Whatever it is, it will make their more understand and love each other.

Make me smile and find me one man who will company me in her wedding and become the bridesmaids. I will be the pretty and happier bridesmaids, will not I? Hey, readers don't show the ugly face like that :) because every women are pretty, right. So, because I am woman then I am pretty too not handsome :)




Am I wrong Lyric by Nico and Vinz

This morning I heard spirit song, so I want you also hear this music. Let's get spirit and shake your body in morning time. Get spirit and keep smile.

"Am I Wrong"

Am I wrong for thinking out the box from where I stay?
Am I wrong for saying that I choose another way?

I ain't tryna do what everybody else doing
Just cause everybody doing what they all do
If one thing I know, I'll fall but I'll grow
I'm walking down this road of mine, this road that I call home

So am I wrong
For thinking that we could be something for real?
Now am I wrong
For trying to reach the things that I can't see?

But that's just how I feel,
That's just how I feel
That's just how I feel
Trying to reach the things that I can't see

Am I tripping for having a vision?
My prediction: I'mma be on the top of the world

Walk your walk and don't look back, always do what you decide
Don't let them control your life, that's just how I feel
Fight for yours and don't let go, don't let them compare you, no
Don't worry, you're not alone, that's just how we feel

Am I wrong (am I wrong)
For thinking that we could be something for real?
(oh yeah yeah yeah oh)
Now am I wrong (am I wrong)
For trying to reach the things that I can't see?
(oh yeah yeah yeah yeah)

But that's just how I feel,
That's just how I feel
That's just how I feel
Trying to reach the things that I can't see

If you tell me I'm wrong, wrong
I don't wanna be right, right
If you tell me I'm wrong, wrong
I don't wanna be right
[2x]

Am I wrong
For thinking that we could be something for real?
Now am I wrong
For trying to reach the things that I can't see?

But that's just how I feel,
That's just how I feel
That's just how I feel
Trying to reach the things that I can't see

So am I wrong (am I wrong)
For thinking that we could be something for real?
(oh yeah yeah yeah oh)
Now am I wrong (am I wrong)
For trying to reach the things that I can't see?
(oh yeah yeah yeah yeah)

But that's just how I feel,
That's just how I feel
That's just how I feel
Trying to reach the things that I can't see

Speechless

Dear diary, 2014 is the most wonderful year and also the worse year I ever get. But every time I learn many things. Life is not like what I imagine and also what I expected. Some people can make their dream come true but some people stop to dreaming and half people still keep dreaming. I am learning my things in this year.

I learn to cook although the taste and shape is not perfect, but at least I want try to do anything. I also still keep find something who will make my life better. I never give up to find my perfect job with the good income plus.........

I also find the new desire on this year, that is learning dutch language. This language so difficult and so complicated difficult. It is remind me every time I got pass day by day on 2014. I am still believe one day will be perfect years.

Dear diary, do you know if the end of this year always make me afraid. I am afraid become old. Honest from the bottom of my heart. Because my dreams still many and one of them still not real. I wish all can be real then I become the wonderful woman in the earth.

I find the happiness from island to island but I never find my desire happiness. I really want to hiding from the world. Find some small island which nobody know that island. Life there like in the rock time,


maybe cute ya :) near beach and doing anything without stress from the many pressure in alive. But I know that is just one of movie part in somewhat I show it.

Dear diary, life is hard and whatever it hard and making me weakness and crying. But I always keep smile, although it so difficult. I have secret to make me strong and stand in my feet. I look people who has more low level then me. I saw them and think about how is wonderful my life.

What should I need, God give me good health, good idea, good knowledge and making me never stop to study and study. If I have a lot of money, I still have desire to continue my study and also making my dream become more real. Writing and create you book to help people. I want to be good writer and God voice will be heard and the children become good moral because read good books.  I want my message people can get it.

The happiness is not what you think about become rich, but how you used your life. Do you remember Princess Diana, how she is making her life to the poor people. So hero woman when I was high school. Dear diary, I know I don't have hero or someone who care of me. Sometimes when I am in my room, thinking about my life, sometimes I don't understand what desire I wanna be?

But The most important I just wanna be good and become good till God call me (pass away). Become good person is very difficult then bad person. Your heart become hurt everytime you realize someone or people hurt you but you should forgive them. When you get trouble and none help you, you should stand in your own and don't do some like they do. You should smile in around people but you are crying alone in room or in the toilet, then you out with the bright smile and like something never happened or broke your heart or day.

Sometimes I stop pray because I speechless. I don't know what should I say, I am so very hurt and disappointed. But then I realize, I am doing like childish, when the FATHER don't give candy and I feel disappointed and I think FATHER is not loving me anymore. Nee, in dutch meaning NO. God is caring and
the way He is caring sometimes is not like what we want or expected. Because God is not magic stick who will make what your wish will be come true.

Dear diary, I realize many times I fall down, many time I am be drowned, I rejected God's hand but He never leave me alone. I always can feel the magic of God around my life and I still refuse it because somewhat is not like what I expected. I am upset and crying like a baby? Please, it will not be my list on 2015 later.

I wish the end of this year I can find the magic and amazing ending 2014. I should believe God plan is more wonderful then my plan on my mind which I don't shared here. Dear diary, I wish my faith and my mind will be keep strong and positive whatever life hit me and broke my "bone" but I still focus with the God plan.

Dear diary, life is learning, sometimes you don't like the other chapter, you just like another chapter. But the hole stories in this year always contain to make you learn every time life is bring you joy or sorrow.


November 18, 2014

The Ugly Princess

"Ahhhhhhhhhhhhh" someone yell in the princess bedroom. What happen? thinking bodyguard and also some maid who always stand in front of princess room.

"What happen, princess," ask one of maid.

"Don't come," yelled the princess from the room.

"How we can help if you are not allow us to come in?" reply the bodyguard.

"Just, leave me alone and don't dare to come to my room. ANYBODY."

Spirit to DwiraFashion

Long time ago, I have small shopping online but it already one year. Now I want to make it more good and dwirafashion When I make this business, my parents, especially Mum is not support me.
never give up to make the Internet users know about this website. Dwirafashion online dot com hahah not like that

She think I will fail because I don't have big capital to make it real. Yes, she half true!!! But I want give up. I will try to rise this dream become success. I know difficult because many competitors, but I will more hard make it success one day.




Today, I bought this.......  Yes right head statue. Since long time ago, I want buy this one but don't have opportunity.  When I got money from the new project from friend. Actually, I always buy novel to remind the history it. But today I want different. I want buy this statue, This also can make me remind my new freelance job as "editor" although my english is not perfect too.
If I have extra money, I will buy one or two wigs for make this statue perfect to display picture of my hand-made hair accessories.


Because this time I am still searching job, I will make new create again to hair accessories for children and also teen or adult too. Keep Spirit Citra to rise your dream step by step. Become success is not easy but that is need work hard, patient, never give up, spirit. Just focus to do what you really want to do till I find good job with good salary and the most important weekend off, so on Saturday I can spend time to church.

I also have crazy an idea to sell some hair accessories I do make it a few time ago on Tugu Monas every sunday morning time, No need shy maybe sell in the street and offer to the people who pass there when they are doing exercises. That is good money not bad money, because I get it with work hard with my own sweat.

Although it so embarrassing, sell in the street because in hole my life. I never do that stuff, but here metropolitan city so no need embarrassing do like that. I will try to do it, even cover my eyes with mask hahahaha. At least  I want try although it is very difficult for me, but why not right :)

I want to yell, CITRA YOU CAN DO IT!!!!! DON'T CRY WHEN YOU GOT PROBLEMS because SOMEONE coz many PEOPLE AROUND YOU who still love you as the way you are :) Keep spirit and fight because life is being like that.






Everything You Do Lyric

Night song for my readers and also for me

`"Everything You Do"


I love the way you smile
When I look in your eyes
I love the way you laugh
When I try to be funny
And how a tear rolls down your face
When I say no one could ever take your place

And baby when you sleep I watched you breathing
And baby when you dream I dream with you
'Cause everywhere you are is where I wanna be
It's true, everything you do
Makes me know how much I love you

The way you touch my lips right after every kiss
And softly whisper that I'm your everything
The way you pray our love won't die
Every night just before you close your eyes

And baby when you sleep I watched you breathing
And baby when you dream I dream with you
'Cause everywhere you are is where I wanna be
It's true, everything you do
Makes me know how much I love you

And I believe
Somethings are meant to be
As sure as there is love
Yours is meant for me

And baby when you sleep I watched you breathing
And baby when you dream I dream with you
'Cause everywhere you are is where I wanna be
It's true, everything you do
Makes me know how much

And baby when you sleep I watched you breathing
And baby when you dream I dream with you
'Cause everywhere you are is where I wanna be
It's true, everything you do
Makes me know how much I love you

Morning Talk and Star Day

Morning Talk

Someone asked me something make me think the last list what I ever did. What is my criteria my future husband. The France man who work in USA, Just call him, Phil. He asked me that question, So I answered it what I ever made it long time ago.

This is my criteria my man.

1. He Should support me
2. He is friendly
3. He is Responsible and work hard
4. He is Romantic
5. He should can cook food
6. He should loves beach
7. He should has good financial to make small family
8. He is goodlooking and no smoker either alcoholic

His answer make me surprise. But I am still not finish it when he said my criteria just 8 items. Because still have two time again, wanna know what is that?

9. He should has some rejigion
10. He should love me so badly


Wanna know what he said when he alrady known what is my criteria my future man? He said I don't smoke, I am responsible, I work-hard, I am friendly, I can cook. Then I ask, why you don't ask my I ask man who can cook. His answer make me suprise. He said because you already did tell me, you can't cook. So sweet right :) He remind the detail and not teasing me. Like my best friend, Little Scott.


After that he said I can do it as well as support you. Wow, it is difficul to say. Then the other question will be secret between me and him only hahaha. Then I am talking about my sister plan for wedding. I said I don't have friend to come on my sister wedding on March.

His answer make me shock. Want to know? I guess I will not share it on this journal. Today,  I also make my friend, Alfon little upset or somewhat hahaha, I said something I really know hurt my marriage man friend from Dutch. Actually, he is nice friend. He sent me e-book to make me not feel bored and also to make me more spirit to learn that language. Yes I am interested to learn dutch, because I love this language, unique and difficult. Remind me when in collage I ever learn France, but I never remember any single words, just ca va? ca va bien mercy. Bonjour, etc.

Anyway, that is also remind me when I went holiday in Bali and meet my Irish friend, Matt, We got little argue the way to say How are you and also about greeting good morning, He said good morning in France Bonete, but that is absolutely it is for goodnight. So, then we find on google translate,  I am win. The winner, hahahah I don't like lost when argue in different way.

Today, I almost got lose after taking western union. My friend and I went to Tanah Abang to survey price for my sister stuff for wedding on March. She needs my help to find some stuff for the decorate cake, sticker wall and also bento stuff (to making tool food decorate for children lunch box). It is the second time I went to Tanah Abang. That is so big place and we don't find anything we search there, so damn poor.

The most worse when we got lost and don't know how to get transportation to go home. Ok, I give up to go to Tanah Abang anymore. I won't go there and so danger plus many strange people and many thief there, said some people.











Patient 28

Patient 28

Still remember I company my friend from Tanjungpinang to the hospital to check her womb to get IVF. I will remind a little bit, last Saturday, my friend came to Jakarta from Tanjungpinang, I pick her in Gambir Station, more easy then I should pick her in airport. So, I show her and then we continue our journey to hospital.
Many people in that hospital, especially in 4 floors. The patients in that floor all to check their womb and also asking about IVF. Some people in the waiting room, they are still young and also some old people, one of them get company from their husband and some come alone, like my friend, she comes alone from Tanjungpinang.

Waiting is so bored. But that is also blessing. I am talking to some people their, the reason always same, they already marriage till 3-4 years but still don’t have baby. So they decided to get IVF. IVF program is not cheaper, that is so damn expensive, the price around 70 million IDR and the result maybe success and maybe not, depend on your lucky. But at least they already try to do the best to get the flower of their love.

Short story, because my friend doctor got action in his clinic so he came late to hospital. We were waiting and waiting. Suddenly old woman with the hijab seat around us. We were talking as usually, then asking some simple words as greetings. Then, story begun. She got queue number 28. This woman from

Ouh man, you always selfish and you always blame women when they can’t give you baby. She said after divorce, she feel empty and then suddenly she met the second husband from the facebook. His from Africa. We talk many words that time, the point is, she afraid to marriage because his from another country and they know from face book but this man show the act to proof his love. Then they were marriage till 7 years, but they still don’t have baby. It was her first time to try IVF. She known from her friend who also do this, but her friend got bad womb, so the IVF is not working to her womb. She known it when check in this hospital. That was why her friend suggestion to used this hospital to check up the womb.
Bangka, she came this hospital also want to check her womb and she already marriage two time. The first time she’s marriage with Indonesian man, but coz of her can’t pregnant, she got cheat and divorce suddenly. The husband blame her because she can’t give baby to prove their love to the world, at least to their family.

Yes, the patient 28 really innocent even she older then us. She didn’t know her condition when check. This is the trouble of Indonesian people, they never notice their health. They don’t care it, so they don’t read the result of the medical check up. They think just enough the doctor know what happened with their condition. We should change our mindset about this one!!!! Ok, the more you know your condition, the more you can be easy to ask the doctor about your condition and also how to get solution as your problems.

The patient number 28 really make m realize to care your condition, the detail of that so you know what happened with your body when something hit you. You know it, Marriage is not the point to find happiness but marriage also will make your life completed, I wish one day, as soon as possible I will open my heart to someone special to grow old together whatever life will hit us, we will hold hands together to say to the world our love more stronger then the problems, because we already promise in the church to keep together till death come to us 



November 17, 2014

My Traveling Dream Part 5 Finish :p


After my fantasy about chocolate become real then the next destination is France. The Romantic country in the world, people said like that. But I ever watch movie about this country, as I remember Korea Movie about two women backpacker to this country and find trouble in their travel, got thief pocket, should get deportation and many things.

But I still wanna feel this city, the fashion country in the world. As my dream I wanna be designer to my small boutique one day. This city is a magic, they like magnet for the people who love fashion and become trendy. This place is the belong to you. Mystery and romantic but damn expensive.

In the night walk alone and see the Eifel tower. The light is bright in the tower and look the stars and said stars finally I can see you not just fake stars in my ceiling room which company me in every night time in the dark room. But this is real stars and I see it in the dark sky and it far away but look so close, because the aura of romantic place.

Drinking hot chocolate and see the happy couple to make me dreams what is amazing life God create first human, Adam and Eve. God want they like this moment romantic and love each other in below light moon and stars.  Then I got inspiration to write romantic stories  That is wonderful suitcase traveling I ever get.







The next destination is…..

That is secret  enough just 5 destination I shared because like my friend in Tanjungpinang said, I have much dream and if it is not become true will make me hurt so deeply, like someone stab your heart with knife, hurt :p


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