Dear diary, today when I look my feedjit, there has someone from Argentina click my old folder on 2008. So I click it back and I saw some my articles on that date always about "THE MARRIAGE" but with the different way. "THE DARK of MARRIAGE" maybe in around me on that year, I found something unhappy about marriage. Because many cases and that make me think, better become SINGLE!
I moved to Jakarta also with that reason. Far from pressure from my parents who always ask me "WHEN MARRIAGE" AH diary, why I can't just be single until I am ready to marriage. This time, I am also not sure, DO I already find someone who want spend his life together with me? DOES he will love with the weakness I am. Because as a woman I am not perfect but I always learn become good woman.
Dear diary, today in afternoon time I also read one article about the TITLE Woman and Marriage but then the TITLE become change. Do you know what is about? YES, that is about marriage too. WHY INDONESIA always want their children get marriage. WHY about life can't like in EUROPE who does not MATTER about couple, single! If i am there, maybe I am so happy because NONE will ask when I will marriage and NONE will remind me WHEN I will MARRIAGE. HOW OLD I AM already!
Dear diary, long time ago, honestly I WON'T kid but this time, I really want my own kid. Because I DO learn about craft and if I got a daughter, it would be good life for me. Because I want to make something cute dress and also cute hair accessories with my own HAND. She will be good and become "TRENDSETTER" in her environment.
Dear diary, why I feel so hurt inside my heart. I never ever feel like this. I love my freedom life. I love as the way I AM. I am still have many dreams and I want my dream step by step will be come true. Dear diary, a few my friends don't believe me I am so independent and also I can do anything what I WANT TO DO!
I know life is so complicated and LIFE is never easy. Many conflict in it. BUT I won't give up about my life. Yea I realize now I am already 33 YEARS OLD. I am not YOUNG ANYMORE! But my PASSION and my desire still YOUNG. I would try and TRY until I don't have energy to do anything.
THE FIRST STEP WHAT SHOULD I DO, dear diary. I want to publish children book. I DO HAVE DRAFT but the problem I DON'T HAVE TIME to WRITE IT. But this time, I want reload all again. SPEND TIME to rise my dreams. WHATEVER it need work-hard. I ALSO WANT TO GET GOOD JOB AGAIN with the SATURDAY ABSOLUTELY OFF. Because I WANT GO to CHURCH.
Dear diary, I know I don't believe fairy tale that is just tale for children. But I wish I have magic words to make me STRONG and STRONG to get what I want to get. Dear diary, the problem this time my battery laptop suddenly got trouble after the electric shutdown because "a NEIGHBOR" do something who make the electric on this house down and that making my BATTERY become trouble.
Dear diary, I know I SHOULD DO IT STEP BY STEP. SO this time I want to do is making children book then the stories will make cartoon with my friend. I WISH and I HOPE it can done and perfect. If none of publisher who want publish it. THAT is OK. I will give it free as ebook, RIGHT. BUT I HOPE IT CAN BE PUBLISH and all over world can read it and the result I WANT TO GIVE TO POOR PEOPLE.
Dear diary, today I also look about volunteer, this time someone who want to be volunteer should pay fee for them self. Uh, I am so damn sad, because to JOIN on INTERNATIONAL ORGANIZATION just big dream and never BE REAL. Like a dream to be famous writer.
Dear diary, I am not lucky and I also don't have spell magic word to make me disappear to visit many place around the world. CAN I be JEALOUS with the people (I READ ON MANY BLOGS about TRAVELING BLOGS from some people who do it by himself/herself or couple. Dear diary, is my dreams to much and that never become real?
PEOPLE think I can't cook, but see I CAN COOK. I am learning it step by step even that is not perfect. MY FRIENDS don't believe me I CAN SEW DRESSES. SEE, I have some own dresses I MADE by myself even THE DRESSES is not PERFECT.
TIME is making me change. TIME also make me more old. TIME make me feel this TIME so fast then the other times and I CAN'T STOP THE TIME. Dear diary, one by one my friends sent me invitation of their wedding. SHOULD I JEALOUS? but I AM NOT JEALOUS. In my mind just how I GET MORE MONEY to make travel and make a book about my ADVENTURES.
Dear diary, I know sometimes I wash my time just search some friends in around the world. Because I JUST HOPE ONE DAY, I can visit them and they can help me to rise my dreams at least I CAN STAY a few days and continue to other places.
Pada
1:30 AM
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